I have been with my wife for fourteen years total, married for ten. Together we have experienced some of the highest highs and lowest lows. Raising three girls, moving about ten times, money issues, getting great jobs and loosing them, family drama, deaths, natural disasters, and losing everything. We have always come through these events stronger together. Then she came out as transgender a few years ago. This was new territory to map out for both of us. She expressed feelings of wanting to stay married to me, and that made me happy. I knew that my love for her was unconditional and like everything else in our lives together, we could get through anything.
“…it seems that somewhere along the way the word transgender has infused itself into everything we do, everything we own and everywhere we go.”
I believe that we have navigated through transition with as much grace as we could muster. Educating anyone and everyone who wanted to listen along the way. With only the best intentions and lots of love in our hearts. A little over two years, we continue to grow together through these changes. However, it seems that somewhere along the way the word transgender has infused itself into everything we do, everything we own and everywhere we go. It has moved into our house and taken over the guest room. We were once a “normal” heterosexual couple who didn’t warrant a second look. Now we are the transgender couple in the neighborhood who everyone is curious about.
The transgender is with us when we go out and my wife is scared of being clocked. It is with us at home when our family conversation is consumed with transgender. As we are getting dressed for work, transgender brings dysphoria to our routine. Transgender is to blame for the way my family has treated my wife and I. Transgender is present when I take my wife to the doctor. Also present when speaking of any changes my wife might like to make with work. Transgender has implanted itself everywhere. It is almost like the story of the “Scarlet Letter.” The “T” in transgender is with us wherever we go.
So I scoured the transgender friendly chat rooms and forums. I wanted to know if transgender ever moved out of couple’s lives or if it was going to be with us forever. My research was a flop. It is very difficult to find a couple where one of the partners has transitioned a long time ago, (With the exception of the well known couples who have written books about there experience) and stayed together. This seems to be a new occurrence. From what I have seen in interviews with the famous couples, transgender is still a word used in their vocabulary everyday. It is still a huge part of their lives. They still wear their scarlet “T” in everything that they do. Transgender will be with us till the end.
“…lately I have noticed a need for a ‘transgender time out.'”
I am still very much in love with my wife and couldn’t imagine my life without her in it, and I am still in awe of the strength she has shown since we started this journey. However, lately I have noticed a need for a “transgender time out.” A little time set aside to talk about, or think about something other than the fact that my wife is transgender, a need to immerse myself into something else. A good book, a nature walk, time spent with a friend, window-shopping or anything that brings me happiness seems to do the trick. The old adage is true, you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. Find some time to recharge your batteries and care for your needs. You will feel like a new person ready to take on those challenges each and everyday.
