The question comes in a million different variations. Something along the lines of “what does it mean to you to be female?” or “what does womanhood mean to you?” It usually comes from people who have an anti-transgender agenda. It is as if they think they can somehow box us in, or to try and prove us as frauds if we give the wrong answer. But is there ever a right answer?
Women come in a million different forms. Some of us are “girly girls” and some of us are “butch”. We are big, small, tall, thin, black, white, long haired, short haired, blonde and brunette. We are straight and lesbian. Some are mothers while others are not. Some are business women while others are stay at home moms. Some can’t have children. Some were born with the wrong body parts. You get the picture. I can go on and on.
“Everyone seems to think their way is the best way.”
So why is it that some people can’t handle all these variations? If we were a race of only blond haired, blue eyed, straight, white women for example, what then? Would everyone just get along all of a sudden? I doubt it. They would just find something else to hate each other over. Perhaps it is just human nature? Everyone seems to think their way is the best way. Look at religion as an example of that. Everyone thinks their religion is the right one. People kill each other over it. Look at our community. Everyone thinks they are the expert on what it means to be transgender.
But the usual group of people who often pose this question are perplexing to say the least. Here we have people who consider themselves cisgender, but spend enormous amounts of time visiting transgender, gay and lesbian websites. I mean don’t you have to wonder about someone who does that? To go out of your way and spend all that time just to hate on someone? It is kind of ridiculous. Maybe they do it to hide whatever pain it is they themselves are dealing with? Who really knows?
So back to the big question. Even though it may come from someone with the wrong intention, it gets me thinking. What does it mean to me to be female? You can ask ten different women this question only to get ten different answers. There is no right one. For me, it is more about the journey to answer that question. I know what I am, but understanding exactly what that means is the journey. It is the search for that answer that matters to me. I may never find it. I am not sure if I ever want to. I want to experience the journey.
“Some women just get to be women and some have to fight for it.”
So we can ask a million questions. What does it mean to be a woman? Well what does it mean to be human? Why don’t we just ask what is the meaning of life while we are at it? Is there an answer? Regardless of how one might see me is irrelevant. It doesn’t matter to me. I know what I am. I don’t need someone else’s approval. Some women just get to be women and some have to fight for it. No one gets to define it. My journey is my own to figure out. Though I openly share my experience, it is certainly not the rule. I do not pretend to have the answers. I can only talk about my experiences. And what does it mean to me to be a woman? We will just have to see.
Stay safe and keep fighting for all of us!
Love and peace,
Mila Madison
